‘No More Teacher’s Dirty Looks,’ as in ‘No More Pencils, No More Books…’
The American teacher is being severed in twain by the twin Solomons of American parents, radical Solomon and reactionary Solomon.
Radical Solomon parents expect the educator to promote a no failure educational “milieux,” to engage their children with positive statements, to believe their child’s version of an incident, to warn him/her if there is something disturbing in the curriculum, to minimize their transgressions while affirming their “passion” and “vision,” and, above all, to teach their children about inclusion.
Reactionary Solomon parents expect the educator to promote a strict educational structure, to teach nothing but the real subjects (reading, writing, math, history, science, keyboarding and gym), to avoid discussions about sex and ‘feelings,’ to censor un-American literature and, above all, to fashion their children into mini-patriots.
Stereotypes? Not in today’s divided America!
Parents are not masking their dislike of educators. They are not taking any more of what they incorrectly perceive as the teacher and school board’s “dirty looks.”
Given this contentious environment, how would radical and reactionary parents react to the teaching methods that the “Boomers” endured in the 1950s? To explore this premise, Boomer school experiences will be presented followed by reactions of today’s radical and reactionary parents.
(1) Boomer students were assigned the duty of cleaning chalk board erasers after school.
Radical Parent: “Child abuse! There are child labor laws. You are exposing my child to allergy-producing, toxic chalk dust. He/she has bassoon practice after school.”
Reactionary Parent: “He/she has football/soccer practice after school. Pounding erasers does not promote character like coach will!”
(2) Boomer students stayed in for recess if they broke a minor school rule.
Radical Parent: “Were the other students who broke the rule punished, too?”
Reactionary Parent: “I’m pulling my child out of public education. We need vouchers!”
(3) Boomer students had to have their parents sign a note explaining their misconduct and return it to school.
Radical Parent: “Ms./Mr. Jones, you have shamed my vulnerable child. We are taking him/her for PTSD counseling. The school will pay for therapy!”
Reactionary Parent: “Mrs./Mr. Jones…. prove it! I am coming down to that school right now.”
(4) Boomer students were vaccinated before entering school.
Radical Parent: “Not needed, he/she is taking 200 mg of Vitamin C, anti-oxidants and wears a copper bracelet. We are contemplating colonics.”
Reactionary Parent: “No way. We are waiting for the herd-immunity to kick in. Our child will not be magnetized with a computer chip from Bill Gates.”
(5) Boomer students were administered corporal punishment.
Radical Parent: “You will hear from my lawyers, “Grandees, Rich-Rich and Magnificos,” formerly of the ACLU.
Reactionary Parent: “You will hear from my lawyers, “Remington, Winchester and Glock”, formerly of the NRA.
(6) Catholic Boomer students were taught about black Catholic saints like St. Martin de Porres and St. Augustine of Hippo.
Radical Parent: “Finally semi-woke. Not good enough. No women or LGBTQ+ saints?”
Reactionary parent: “CRT! CRT! CRT!”
(7) Boomer students were forced to run “laps” if they misbehaved in gym.
Radical Parent: “I am contacting Channel 7! You inflicted a children’s Cherokee trail of tears upon my child.”
Reactionary Parent: “Stand down, only I have the right to discipline my child.”
(8) Boomer students only gave Valentine’s Day cards to classmates they liked.
Radical Parent: “Discrimination! Binary! Non-inclusive!”
Reactionary Parent: “Sweet segregation!”
(9) Boomer students were reprimanded for talking in class.
Radical Parent: “You are suppressing the verbal curiosity of my budding, performative scholar.”
Reactionary Parent: “You are suppressing my child-citizen’s right to free speech.”
(10) Boomer students who were inattentive in class had to write on the board, ‘I will pay attention.’ 100 times.
Radical parent: “Ms./Mr. Jones, if your class was more “relevant,’ hands-on and learner-centered, my bored child would pay attention.”
Reactionary Parent: “Mrs./Mr. Jones, move my child away from those distractible students of radical parents.”
Unfortunately, both radical and reactionary parents seem to find comfort in the unifying sentiments of this poem:
‘No more pencils, no more books,
‘No more teacher’s dirty looks.
‘Kick the tables, kick the chairs,
‘Kick the teachers down the stairs!’
The modern American teacher is being severed in twain by the twin Solomons of American parents.
