It’s Time For This Family Discussion
If the prospect of asking your aging parents about the way they handle their household finances or how theyd feel about moving to a nursing…
If the prospect of asking your aging parents about the way they handle their household finances or how theyd feel about moving to a nursing home fills you with apprehension, you are not alone.
However, its the kind of conversation you cant afford to delay indefinitely. As your parents get older, its critical to sit down with them and talk about their health and financial well-being before urgent decisions are forced on you.
The consequence of not having these discussions is that you arent prepared to make sound medical and financial choices when Mom or Dad has an emergency, says Deborah Eickhoff, vice president of Wells Fargo Advisors high-net-worth planning group.
Fortunately, there are ways to make this process easier. The most important is to plan ahead. Starting these discussions early and revisiting them regularly will help you and your family handle lifestyle-changing issues concerning your parents.
How to Start the Conversation
If only there was a uniformly effortless way to speak to Mom and Dad about their health and finances. No such protocol exists, but you might broach the topic around the time the older parent turns 70, Eickhoff recommends.
Once youve started the dialogue, youll have laid the groundwork to continue it in the future, she says, And 70 is still a relatively young age to begin having these talks.
On the medical side, you might ask your parents what theyd like to happen if their health starts to fail. Do they want to stay in their home, or are they open to moving to an assisted living or long-term care facility? If acute care becomes necessary, is there a hospital they prefer? How much medical intervention do they want if their condition becomes dire? How would they like to handle end-of-life issues? The answers to these questions will play a critical role in helping you create a realistic and well-thought-out plan.
Conversations about finances can be just as challenging, especially for families not used to discussing money. At some point, parents may need help with day-to-day financial tasks such as paying bills and balancing the checkbook, or with larger issues like investing. Its important to clearly understand your parents goals for their wealth, from being able to afford the retirement lifestyle they envision to supporting charities they care about.
Having these discussions as early as possible helps establish the rationale for estate planning decisions, Eickhoff notes.
For example, if the parents have spent more on one childs education or provided funds to help start a business, they might decide to compensate the other siblings later on with larger shares of the estate.
This is a hard discussion for parents to have with their kids, says Eickhoff. But if they dont have it while theyre alive, they risk having their children always wonder why they made certain decisions about their assets.
What to Look For
Parents are not likely to volunteer that they need help, so its up to their children to watch for red flags uncharacteristic difficulty performing daily chores or keeping track of household finances, for example. Discreetness and sensitivity are essential. One way to monitor your parents approach to the household finances is to suggest going through a routine chore together during one of your regular visits.
You might say, Mom, Ill be over next Saturday. Lets just pay the bills together, Eickhoff suggests. If your mother appears to be struggling to manage that process, offer to take it off her hands.
If you have siblings, open commun-ication can foster cohesion and make handling the issues a lot easier, even if you live in different parts of the country. Since the burden of care can easily land on the shoulders of the child who lives closest to the parents, its important that the others pitch in. This might mean picking up the bill for housecleaning or in-home medical care, or making regular weekend visits to look after Mom or Dad and give the caretaker sibling a break.
Addressing medical and financial issues early can forestall problems later on as well as help maintain family harmony.
If youre trying to start those conversations while your parents health is fragile, thats a real challenge for everybody, says Eickhoff. But knowing what to expect from each other can give everyone in the family better knowledge of expectations.
This article was written by Wells Fargo Advisors and provided courtesy of Terry R. Campbell and Susan Paolo, Financial Advisors in Chardon at 440-286-2553.
Investments in securities and insurance products are: NOT FDIC-INSURED / NOT BANK-GUARANTEED / MAY LOSE VALUE
Wells Fargo Advisors, LLC, Member SIPC, is a registered broker-dealer and a separate non-bank affiliate of Wells Fargo & Company.
