Char Kuchta Stresses Open Communication with Teens
Probably, looking back, there might have been some signs, but we had no … he didn’t exhibit bad grades, he didn’t exclude himself from things, he was outgoing. He was the defender of the ones who couldn’t defend themselves. He included people who might not have been included. – Char Kuchta
Kyle Kuchta, 14, was outgoing, loved basketball, did well in school, had lots of friends and had a plan for the future.
In fact, the summer of 2017, the Burton Township teenager had attended basketball camp and played with Kyrie Irving. He planned to graduate from Berkshire High School, attend Duke University and get drafted his second year of college to play for the Cleveland Cavaliers. And just in case, he planned to go into sports medicine to be a sports physical therapist as a back up plan.
But, tragically, none of those things will happen.
On Sept. 4, 2017, Kyle took his life.
“There were no signs,” said Char Kuchta, Kyle’s mother, during a recent interview. “Probably, looking back, there might have been some signs, but we had no … he didn’t exhibit bad grades, he didn’t exclude himself from things, he was outgoing. He was the defender of the ones who couldn’t defend themselves. He included people who might not have been included.”
At just over 6 feet tall and 140 pounds, Kyle excelled in basketball. It was “his thing,” Char said.
“He was all about teaching. And when some kids leading a team would say, ‘You did that wrong,’ he would say, ‘You did that wrong, but let me show you how to do it right,’” Char said, adding his death was a shock to their entire family, which includes Kyle’s older brother, Cameron, 23, and Char’s husband, Ray.
“It’s not something we didn’t talk about,” she said, referring to depression and/or suicide.
Char said during support groups she attended, she realized she was not alone in not seeing any signs her son was in trouble.
“There are a lot of parents like that. One friend, her son was a valedictorian. Another’s son was being scouted by colleges. There were no signs,” she said. “When you look back, it’s easy to say after reading everything we have, but even reading, I still have a hard time pinpointing (what happened). He didn’t withdraw, his grades didn’t drop. Did he get crabby sometimes? He was 14.”
She added, “We’re a pretty open family. We’re not divorced, we don’t fight, we’re functional. He was in basketball camps. We saved up so he could do the things he wanted to. There’s no one thing that sticks out in our case that I can see. He wasn’t bullied. I don’t think that was the problem. Like I said, kids always came up to us telling us how he included them. He always made them smile.”
However, for whatever reason, perhaps a split-second decision, Kyle made his fateful choice Sept. 4, 2017.
“He was in 4-H. We were at (The Great Geauga County Fair) all weekend,” Char recalled. “The only thing different about that day is we woke up later than usual, which wasn’t abnormal during fair weekend. He was with his friend the night before the fair. We went and cleaned the cages. He sat in the car a little longer. He didn’t seem any different, didn’t say anything.”
Just before 11 a.m. that morning, the Kuchtas found Kyle’s unconscious body and rushed him to the hospital.
He never recovered, passing away Sept. 8, 2017.
The journey through healing has been hard, Char said, adding it does not necessarily get easier, but the grief waves get a little farther apart.
“Everything is a trigger. (You think) he should be driving, he should be going to the dance, everything he’s missed out on that we miss out on seeing him doing,” she said.
Her advice to others going through a similar tragedy is to “hold tight.”
“Hold onto each other, reach out for help,” she said. “Everyone grieves differently. I would say, grieve how they need to grieve. There’s no wrong way to grieve. Some (people) are angry, some are sad. Our community was a good support, Kyle’s friends, our family.”
Char’s family also created Kyle Strong, a Facebook page in her son’s memory where she posts information on suicide prevention for community awareness and support.
She is also working with Berkshire Schools and the National Alliance on Mental Illness Geauga County to education people on suicide and hopes more is done on the state and national levels.
“I just feel like there is more we can do,” she said. “I also feel it’s the kids that are going to make the change and make their parents listen to them … if we give them that power to feel comfortable talking to an adult. One girl said she wasn’t comfortable going to her band teacher because she didn’t want to let them down or let them know she was hurting.”
Char said that girl’s parents were persistent and were able to get her the help she needed.
Char said one thing she has learned through her son’s tragedy is the importance of communication, even if it’s the same discussion over and over again.
“Even though you ask the questions, even if you get satisfactory answers, ask more questions,” she said. “Even if you talked about it, talk about it again. And when you think you’ve talked enough, talk some more.”
NATIONAL SUICIDE PREVENTION LIFELINE
1-800-273-TALK (8255)
COPELINE
1-888-285-5665 or 440-285-5665 to access a Crisis Intervention Specialist.
Text the keyword 4hope to 741 741 and expect a reply from a trained Crisis Counselor within five minutes. Your message is confidential, anonymous and secure.
NAMI HelpLine
1-800-950-6264
For a list of additional resources visit: https://namigeauga.org/crisis-info/
